Poetry Thursday: As…We

This is As…We by yours truly.
I’ve never been able to get this on paper.

But today I did.

So, As…We a study of innocents and the heart.

As young children,
The children who believed sickness was only for a few days;
The children who knew nothing of death;
The children who believed every fair tale Walt Disney, or dad, or mom would say.
We smiled, and believed we could do anything.

As kids,
The kids who feared no cut or scrape;
The kids who went off to school and learned new things;
The kids who only needed a simple playground to escape.
We laughed, and brushed off trivial things.

As preteens,
The preteens who learned weird things and turned red in group talks about sex;
The preteens who wrote secrets in new journals;
The preteens who got their first boyfriend or girlfriend, and maybe their first ex.
We sighed and wished we were older.

As teens,
The teens who were offered harder courses and made hard choices and did things like say no to drugs;
The teens who got their first car or job or loves;
The teens who missed simplicity because relationships had escalated to more than hugs.
We frowned, and raised our white flag, and took back our wishes to be older and replaced them with wishes to be young again.

As adults,
The adults who fall in actual love and marry;
The adults who have children and bills and miss our own parents;
The adults who look into our spouses eyes because they are our new escape and a better place to hide when things get scary.
We breathe easy and thank God or who ever that we gave up who we used to be.

As elderly people,
The elderly who know a grandchild’s love;
The elderly who spoke life lessons, and fixed hearts, and talked our own kids through alcohol sex and drugs;
The elderly who held a loved ones hand and maybe it was our spouse or at least someone we made memories with, but they weren’t right beside us, they were somewhere up above.
We felt full and our hearts had grown, and we thank ourselves for growing up.

As a person,
A person who has grown;
A person who has seen unspeakable things;
A person who created a heart made of steal and a way to deal with problems that was all our own.
We thought about how our white flags weren’t a way to quit
but a patch to add on to what we had become.

We see us as us.

XOXO
Nealie

Poetry Thursday: Help Wanted

There will be other poets but Shane Koyczan and his spoken word poems changed everything for me.

Without further ado “Help Wanted”

I’ll post the link to the spoken one later on.

Everyday, Grandma would come into my room
And I’d hear her say, “Rise and shine.
The world is a window that holds a sign
There’s help wanted somewhere.”
So I rose and I shone.
I put on my shoes and I was gone.

See Grandma bought me my first phone.
She said, “Don’t bother calling the people who care,
Call the people don’t.
Don’t bother calling the people who have taken up a fight,
Call the people who won’t.”

And I learn at a very young age
Where my Grandma’s rage came from.
The entire congregation would nod,
Never ask Grandma about God.

I’d argue with her everyday
All she’d say is, “Go down to the store
Buy some light bulbs,
And when you run out, buy some more.
Because the light at the end of your tunnel needs to be maintained.
You can’t let it be stained by their beliefs are better than your beliefs.
And you can’t agree to disagree, because they’re fucking wrong!”

It’s not the strong who have gotten lazy,
It’s just that your vision is a little hazy.
You’re not sure what you want,
But what you’ve got is all you need.
Falsed greed.

For every hypocritical church goer
Who won’t walk past the beggars
‘Cause they can’t spare a dime.
Grandma said, “Fuck them,
I don’t talk to God ’cause I ain’t got the time.”

And it struck me as strange.
Every time I walked past someone
Who stopped to ask me,
“Hey can you spare some change?”
Because, yes I can, but you see
I don’t carry change around in my back pocket.
I don’t wear it around my neck on a chain in some locket.

I keep change in the tip of my pen.
And it seeps out every now and then,
In spurts of angry ink that make me think,
Maybe the writing on the wall could use a little revision.

Grandma told me, “Stop trying to calculate the difference between people.
People don’t need division.
Gotta stick it together.
Gotta love each other.”

Father, brother, sister, mother, uncles, cousins, aunts,
Forget about the chance, the cheers, the jokes, the jeers.
After 2000 years, you’d think we’d know by now.
Grandma said, “We will only find equality in the number of tears.”

And she was right,
Because I don’t know what injustices you have suffer,
Based size, sex, race, religion,
Or the political pigeon shit on the shoulders of
Us versus them.

Like in Bethlehem,
When a man said, “Hey I could be wrong,
But can’t we all just get along?”
No! So we nailed him to a tree.

See, justice isn’t justice,
It just is.
And I can’t change it,
You can’t change it.
So we’ve just got to try and rearrange it.

And I could offer you this miracle.
A chance to see,
A chance to see what I see.
To see the way that people see me.
Because if seeing is believing,
And you see what I see,
We wouldn’t want to see anymore.

But I’ve got a little surprise in store
For every man who looks upon me with judgment in his eye,
The women who looks upon me with wetness between her thighs.
I’m the world’s greatest overweight lover.

And you might just laugh.
And you might just scoff.
My bones are made from sticks and stones
And names just piss me off.

Grandma told me, “Young man,
You can’t be concerned with what ever it is they’ve got,
Because the only reason they think they’re beautiful
Is the same reason they think you’re not.
And, young man, you have beauty beyond measure.
You are a treasure entrenched in this earth.
You can’t let strangers determine your worth.
Rise and shine!”

So I rose and I shone.
I put on my shoes and I was gone.

See, Grandma bought me my first phone.
She said, “Young man, from time to time,
I too need to smile.
Would you do me a favour and keep me on speed dial?”
Yes, Grandma, I will.

And still, to this day, I can call her up
And hear her say, “It’s a game!
You play, you win.
You play, you lose.
You play!”

“Rise and shine!
The world is a window that holds a sign,
There is help wanted out there, somewhere.
But young man, if you are playing to win,
The first thing you have to do,
Is apply within”

WSW: Blue Hair and Conformity

Welcome to the first Whine Sesh Wednesday!

Todays topic is blue hair and conformity. I am an honor student, I take college courses, and I was just invited into my schools NHS. I’m not big on conforming. I don’t like it and I don’t want to look a certain way because I’m told to.

That’s my annoying teen attitude. Whatever. 😉

Anyway. I got caught with my blue streak after two weeks of getting away with it, and had to explain to Mrs. Insert Name of Principal Lady Here that I was very willing to pin it up but I would not be dying it. She accepted the compromise.

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Mrs. Insert Name of Principal Lady Here was actually very cool about the whole thing and she talked to me like I was a person so I honestly really enjoyed discussing it with her.

Anyways,
XOXO
An average Joe again.

The Semicolon Project;

A semicolon shows where a writer could’ve ended a sentence and chose not to.

Today (April 16) to show awareness for self harmers you might notice people have semicolons on their wrists!

I’m not a perfect girl and I’ve been through a time where I thought I’d never amount to anything and things wouldn’t go right! Dramatic days.

But I kept going. I was taught to.

Here’s my semicolon, I hope anyone sees it and decides to keep going!

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And my favorite instagrammer has one today too! This is Zoey, she’s been battling anorexia in the hospital for a while now. If anyone knows how to keep going its her.

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If she can so can you.
So today if you’re struggling with SH take a step back and think about everyone with a semicolon on their wrist for you.

Special thanks to Zoey for letting me use her picture.(:

XOXO
Aware Nealie

P.S. Maggie says hi.

Shane Koyczan and How he Changed my Life. (Announcements/Schedule)

You might remember Shane from my posts about the “TO THIS DAY PROJECT”.
Since then I have been listening to all of his spoken word poems and let me tell you. His words are just so perfect and beautiful that I want to put my favorite lines into a jar and keep them forever.
I just want all of his lovely spoken thoughts to be mine.

He is the man that first got me thinking that I want to mean what I say. Every last word. As few words as possible while eying my point across. No fluff.

And as I kept listening he touched every corner of my life from my hurt to my happiness to my love to my sadness to my anger to my jealousy.
And I decided that even though that is the path I was headed I decided that I absolutely without a shadow of a doubt have to be a writer.
And so for now I listen very carefully (or read) to the way that people string their words together. And I rearrange them in my mind to make them sound more poetic.

Just letting you inside my mind a bit.

XOXO
Your blogger,

SCHEDULE UPDATE

MONDAY: beginning of the week post (inspirational/thoughts/SPECIFIC TOPIC OF THE WEEK)
WEDNESDAY: life lessons with Nealie
THURSDAY: poems, word vomit, meh
FRIDAY: end of the week post (personal /thought/event)

Loud People and Listening.

I’m generally loud.
Around my friends I’d talk about myself.
Around people I like to laugh.
Around lovely people I like to talk about anything.

But I realized that no one has really been listening. Or caring. Not even me some days.

So I’ve decided the way to make everyone care even myself is being quiet.

I mean to mean what I say.

But I’m just a silly girl with too many words.

Xoxo

My Life and Where it’s Taking me.

Short answer: I have no idea.

SMU packet made me die a little inside today. :/

Name: Nealie
Major: Will probably change 4 times. I’m indecisive. And I don’t really know what makes me happy yet.
Proudest accomplishment: Being a 16 year old virgin in this society. (17 in 3 days) Why is it that this is an actual accomplishment?
Perfect day: Doing anything chill with people I can talk about anything with. I just enjoy conversation with lovely people.
Your favorite spot on campus: N/A
Unusual SMU experience: N/A
After graduation: I’ll be able to breathe a little easier. This stress isn’t okay, but next year will be better!
Biggest challenge: Being thankful for all that I have on a daily. Such a silly girl taking everything for granted.
Obsessed with: Figuring out happiness. How to go about this?
SMU: Is another decision I am so afraid to make.

I have no idea what to do with this life at this point. I’m not scared because it will work out without a doubt. But a lot of decisions are about to fly at me and I suppose I’ve got to buck up and get ready.

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XOXO
Confused Lonely Lost Forgetful Wonderful Nealie

Singular.

Hey geeks, freaks, and losers! I hope we’re all hanging in there!
Happy Tuesday, I hope everyone has been ingesting plenty of vitamin C unlike myself because I’m feeling pretty sickly.

Anywho. My best friend Lynne’s boyfriend came home from boot camp for a week, and he had to leave again today. While he was home it was so adorable to see them together.

Also this past week my friend got proposed to, and she said yes.(:

And my other friend proposed, and his significant other said yes!

Meanwhile in single land, things are not as dandy.

Yesterday I told my co-worker that I wish I could just meet a guy that I just get along with them so dang well I to want to marry them eventually.
And I asked why I’m so single.
I mean, I’m fun.

Her response could be summed up into two simple words.
Purity Ring.

Why is this the society we live in.
We’re doing it all backwards.

But I’m proud of myself for my decision!

XOXO
A pure and single Nealie.

Days Until

Hey NBN, I dropped the ball again. Writers block.:/ This is a growing problem the further I get into college English.

But on with the show.

My 17th is in 2 weeks and 3 days.

Prom is in 3 weeks and 5 days.

And most importantly Summer which means a nice long break with more hours at work AND vacation is in 2 months 2 weeks and 3 days.

I feel like my junior year just started. It’s all been going by very fast, and even faster since I got my job!

Always leave something to look forward to for yourself but in the mean time enjoy all your days.

I hope all you freaks, geeks, and losers are hanging in there! ❤

Xoxo