I wrote this because I was inspired by Shane Koyczan.
I’ve been trying to get some things out lately. I don’t think friends know what friends are for anymore. So welcome to my thought process. I’ve been Thinking these things for a while now and I just figured out how to get them down.
I love this.
I don’t connect with anyone lately, I don’t relate. And maybe I don’t want to.
Maybe I’m happier alone than listening to Sally Rick and Jane not get along every day. Maybe happiness is going it alone sometimes. Until the light at the end of the tunnel gets a little brighter
or a little closer.
Until we know how to keep it together
without being as hateful as all of these other people like to be.
Without acting acceptable,
or conforming.
And I’ve wanted to say these things for so long but I couldn’t get anything out right.
Everything just sounds wrong.
But maybe it’s just me, or my attitude.
Maybe they’ve been right all along.
But,
maybe I’m tired of hearing someone has it worse than you
in Mexico
or Africa
or right across the street.
Every person you’ve ever met
or seen
is sure not as happy as they could be.
And yes, it’s because of problems. Real or made up.
And I’ve got problems too.
I don’t need everyone to see.
But if you wanted to,
I suppose I’d let you.
But just because everyone else does too.
Or maybe even worse than me. Doesn’t mean that mine aren’t important.
Even if they’re not
to one person other than myself.
Forget them. I can’t care about people that don’t care anymore. It’s not what I’m about
and surprisingly living for everyone else
is just not what I live for.
I’m done with this,
and I’m changing whatever is left of myself.
To be sweet to people that don’t want to do any harm.
And to ignore all these comments
about how everyone else has it so hard,
much harder than me.
And I’ll have a smile still for strangers,
and gangsters,
And losers,
or whoever I meet.
The prissy people who walk on the street.
This goes for you too,
Don’t think I’ve forgotten,
In my struggle.
The way cruelty is a cycle and it goes all around
And sometimes
It’s even an accident.
Because I haven’t.
But this isn’t an armistice,
A cease fire,
A raise your white flag,
A you’ll never be heard because this world is just to loud.
No
I’m not asking any of you to quit.
This is you and I
And what we can do.
People don’t want to act this way
It’s just society has changed and it started screaming
“To hell with their opinions or feelings.
To survive they’ve got to go cold and be greedy.”
But this is a change your shoes, and keep on running.
In the meantime it’s okay if every once in a while
To stop
If you need a break.
This is hard work and every so often we will trip
Or make a mistake.
As long as you keep going forward
Through the set backs.
The tunnel gets longer and longer sometimes
And somedays
We run out of breath.
But that light will still be there waiting
for when we’ve rested up.
And even if you decide that this isn’t for you,
I’ll keep running alone.
It’s worth a shot and I’ll keep going,
trying.
And I’ll smile a lot more
for myself
and for everyone feeling this way
For everyone who forgot how beautiful it is to be alive because they got so caught up in the day to day.
Because I don’t think I can ever change myself
without trying to change everything around me.
Or at least
What I’m adding to this world.
I don’t connect with anyone lately, I don’t relate. And maybe I don’t want to.
Maybe I’m happier alone than listening to Sally Rick and Jane not get along every other stinking day. Maybe happiness is going it alone sometimes. Until the light at the end of the tunnel gets a little brighter
or a little closer.
Or until we can learn to get along on smiles because that’s really all we need. It’s not much
But it’s all we need.
Until we know how to keep it together
without being as hateful as all of these other people like to be.
Without acting acceptable,
or conforming.
Xoxo I love you.
Nothing But Nealie 