Don’t Go After Your Friends Wannabe Guy. This SHOULD be a Given.

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If your friend wants to date a guy don’t be the jerk that takes him! I understand how tempting it is to be like “okay this guy is so cute I know I shouldn’t try because my friend likes this guy,” DO NOT DO IT. Now you’re thinking “But what if he doesn’t even like her and he likes me…?” TOO BAD YOUR FRIEND IS ALREADY HOPELESSLY IN LIKE WITH THIS GUY. You say “I got it! What if I can get her to stop liking him?” Think reasonably, One: This is highly unlikely. Two: If you do succeed won’t it be painfully obvious that it was so you could be with him? I know it’s a bummer. You’ll make it out okay!

XOXO

Who Cares if my TOMS Aren’t TOMS Brand.

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So for my 15th birthday I got my first pair of sparkly TOMS. I fell in love instantly, and I needed more! So last month I decided to set out and buy some more, but I didn’t want to spend the money on another legitimate pair so I opted for some look alikes. No big deal. Nobody gives anybody troubles about wearing Rocket Dogs in place of Chuck Taylors! But no, I had to be frowned upon for my Rue21 brand TOMS. I’m sorry, I’ve already donated a pair of shoes to Africa. Maybe I’ll even do it again when I feel like blowing that money. But just this one time I wanted to cut myself a break and pay 15 dollars instead of 50 something. FUN FACT: All the TOMS looking shoes are legitimately made by the TOMS company with different inserts (CLOTH instead of LEATHER) and a different brand name slapped on them! Now we all win.

XOXO

Facebook Do’s and Don’ts From the Mind of the Average Teenager.

The next time you go to post on Facebook think of this post. Trust me, you’ll thank me later. Reason Number One: So the other day I have this post up on Facebook about a guy through some song lyrics. Classic girl thing. Then a few days later I get asked who I’m talking about. No big deal. EXCEPT DUE TO FATE I’M STARING RIGHT AT THE GUY I’M TALKING ABOUT lying to his face because hello, I can’t tell him it’s him. Reason Number Two: People might mistakenly think you’re talking about them! Think about the current situations of your social circle very carefully before posting. You’re friend might text you griping about how you are a failure of a best friend when really it’s about a stranger you saw at Kroger. And this is uhh… Hypothetically speaking of course… It didn’t happen to me or anything like that. Reason Number Three: The FB post you’re about to make is legitimately stupid. We don’t care about you eating 3 hamburgers at McDonalds. That’s something you text to the people who MUST know. Because your best friend will care. Just not the rest of the world.

XOXO

Since We Left Off I’ve…

Okay since we left off I started drivers ed. Which is super duper great! Two more weeks and I’m out of the class! WOOT! Which is super good news because I’m actually very over it already! Anyway I also signed my friend Lynn up with me for her birthday present. It’s gotta suck getting drivers ed for your permit for your sixteenth birthday, but at least it’s a start. In other news since I so rudely stopped posting I’ve been busy running around with my friends, and keeping up with crazy amounts of homework! In all this highschool business I have had all my time stolen. I apologize. I promise to take better care of it this month!

XOXO

Your Dad Probably Perfers Trying To Teach You How To Ride A Bike.

So today my poor dad tried to teach me how to drive stick. Dear lord. So I’m pretty decent at it EXCEPT when we would stop and I’d have to put it in first and then release the clutch and hit the gas… Epic fail. It would lurch forward 5 times and either die or take off. I even learned a dukes of hazard move jumping a curb and stuff. All that movie stunt driver junk. That’d be cool if I was good at it. I jumped a curb and knocked down a one foot tall fence and ran over a bush. Then me and him started laughing histerically. And he put on his seat belt. BAD SIGN. My dad literally used a heat pad on his neck after that little drivers ed adventure. Lessons learned: 1- Don’t let off the clutch too fast. 2- Dont jump curbs, EVER. Even on accident.

XOXO

Why You Can’t Miss Friday Night Football Even if Your Team is a Bunch of Losers.

Okay I don’t necessarily go to away games for my team because they really are a bunch of losers. They try really hard not to be but we are. So if your football team really does always lose I suggest you don’t waste your gas on away games unless you have a weird theory and you think you’re like their good luck charm or you’ve got impeccable team spirit. The first reason you can’t miss all those little home games is because dude concession stand food is the best. Who doesn’t like nachos and funnel cake? The second is because when all the guys are talking about these awesome passes that scored us the only points we got the whole game it’d be nice to know what they’re talking about. Thirdly it’s how you catch up with all the friends you don’t have classes with. And even if your team loses all the time you can still make bets on how much they’ll improve or suck. Like at the first home game we lost 13 to 50 something. Then the week after that when it was away they lost 13 to 40 something! They’re clearly working on their defense. Also pretty much the most important reason to go to a football game is to stalk cute guys/girls. And there you have it, clear the next couple home game Fridays and enjoy.(:

XOXO

My Theory on Break-ups.

Okay so the usual when going through a break up is cry, cry, cry, eat, eat, eat, and repeat. Well That only gives you extra fat and puffy eyes. Trust me, at that point he does not want you back. I mean look at yourself. You’re a wreck. He’s like, “Wow I’m so glad I got rid of that emotionally unstable girl, she’s insane.” Then your like, “It’s not my fault.” Too bad it doesn’t mean he wants you back. Now these aren’t words from my mind! I sure wish he wanted you back! BUT, this guy is like, NO. So pretty much what you should do is ANY athletic activity that will take your mind off things. You can throw a ball against a wall for all I care just do something. Trust me.(: Then you need to write a poem about how you feel once a week until you are over this guy so you can be all sentimental to a piece of paper and not get everyone and their mom involved with a few bad idea Facebook posts. Then instead of eating ice cream I need you to stop drinking soda and stick to juices. First of all because they are calming and second because soda makes you bloat. And now for the finishing touch. I actually need you to eat HEALTHY, please do not go out to wal*mart and buy yourself a bag of candy over this guy! You’re gonna lose five pounds or just look super refreshed and since you’re getting all your anger and sadness out on top of that you are queen of the world. And guess what? I bet he wants you back. (;

XOXO

When a Guy Walks Out of the Girls Bathroom.

So, while on my way to Dallas the other day I really need to go to the bathroom. So we make a stop at Joe’s Crabshack so I can relieve myself. I ask the nicest hostess if I may use their restroom, and she says yes and tells me where it is and in my mind I’m like, “SCORE BATHROOM!” So then I walk in and I’m staring at this guy. Now the first thing I think is, “Dude it has girl spelled on the bathroom door like a million different ways. It literally says. Girls, Ladies, Women, Jills, Gals.” Then the guys kind of running past me to get out and not looking at my face. Then I get this is already the beginning to a very bad scene in a very scary horror movie. My body goes into super sonic avoid-scary-movie-scene speed, and I go to the bathroom in five seconds. Sing happy birthday 10 times too fast as I wash my hands and I book it out of “Joe’s Crabshack of Creepy Horrors”

XOXO

How to Make People Feel Awkward at Grocery Stores.

So every girl has had that grocery trip where they only came to buy tampons. Which sucks. People are all staring and then they look at the box in your hand and then they run away like you have leprocy or something. Well okay, they don’t exactly run, but you get what I’m saying they look in the space around your head and make you feel awkward. So I created this method of shopping for those who don’t really care about how strange people think you are. And I created it just because some target employee had the nerve to stare at me all funny like. That man has never experienced awkward like this before. Okay so here is what I did. I picked up my like 50 pack of Kotex tampons and just held them in both my hands with my arms just straight out in front of me. Then this guy is like wow, I need to get out of this isle. Now, the next thing I did happened by complete accident but it’s brilliant. By accident my moms boyfriend elbowed my arms and the tampon box lands perfectly in the guys way, and in my mind I’m like, “Bingo feel the awkward!” When really I just started laughing hysterically and picked up my jumbo pack of tampons. So to review. Step 1: Hold out your tampon box as if you yourself are disgusted with shopping for them. And if you need to you may also move on to step 2: Just drop and or gently throw the box. You’re welcome.

XOXO