Tag Archives: life lessons

75 Hard, Things Grandpa Said, More of What There Should Be and Other Perfectly Orchestrated Coincidences

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God is truly all wonderful and all powerful.

As of Monday, November 20th I have officially completed my 75 Hard. 75 days of working out twice per day for 45 minutes each, drinking a gallon of water, following a diet, no cheat meals, no alcohol, taking a progress photo and also reading 10 pages of nonfiction. No alterations to the program. If you fail a task, you must restart on Day 1.

I began this challenge as a positive step towards consistency in my life. My main goal is to become intentional and consistent.

Our loving God is two very important things: Intentional and consistent. Here are some other things that have lined up perfectly today to assure me on my path.

The day I finished was a Monday. According to my Grandpa, “the most happy day of the week.” Please read the photo attached of a letter my grandpa wrote about Monday and the many blessings we are each afforded every day, but that I will take the time to acknowledge each Monday because of him.

That same day I read an entry I have never read in the Big Book. It made me cry. It was from a woman who had spent a long time in the rooms and was discussing how even with all her clean time she was still struggling to express her needs to others. She wanted to stand off instead. I often find myself feeling this way. It feels more natural for me to attempt to isolate as an alcoholic even now nearly 4 years sober. I work to live a better life every day. I want to be someone who communicates and takes responsibility for my emotions.

This is the text that stood out to me the most from her: “Thank Heaven nothing is as bad as it used to be and there is so much more of what there should be in my life.”

A little sob escaped me. Thank Heaven indeed. I am so fortunate.

Also the day lined up so that I would be cooking lunch for all of God’s people out at House of Prayer. This meal that I cook will be the official anniversary of my service work with the ministry. One whole year of feeding his people. Feeding folks is a ministry that was given to me by my parents through their passion for the church and the divine steering of God towards all things food and feeding others. The most direct picture of this ministry was modeled to me by both of my dads throughout my life beginning when I was very young. My dad feeding the unhoused in California while our family was in mourning. My bonus dad feeding other families each year for the holidays and through his restaurants.

The same day I also was awarded my Community Engagement cord for my service work with House of Prayer, HDCA, Cleburne Chamber, SHINE and now even the backup. project. (Get involved at http://www.thebackupproject.com)

I will wear this when I graduate with my masters to signify my time in service to my community in the duration of my studies.

Some people may not even notice the divine timing of these things, and I will pray for their eyes to be opened. If life is a symphony and we are the orchestra then surely God is the greatest conductor of all.

I am thankful for a love so powerful that His goodness can be shown to me in such an extreme way.

It brings a tear to my eyes to write this. To know I am lucky enough to even be alive in this moment, to experience so many blessings all on one day. What a wonderful season of gratitude. It really is that simple.

If you have read this, thank you. I hope you will commit to beginning something for yourself that you have been putting off for some time. You are smart, capable and important enough to begin the work on or with yourself and God will be with you through it. I pray over all of your own victories as well and for all the moments when you get to suddenly realize that nothing is as bad as it was and that there is so much more of what should be in your life.

Thank you, God. Gracias, Papa Dios.

XOXO,

NBNealie

Grief by Land and Sea

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Every day since my best friend got pregnant I have become a master researcher in all things pregnancy, babies, baby safety, baby parties and Jesus. Especially Jesus, because I was appointed God Mother.

In fact, I downloaded one of those baby apps just to see what size her baby was every week. I often think back in amazement on how he started out the size of a sprinkle on a donut. At the start of the week I would send a text message. “Do you want to know how big baby is this week?” One week I even sent her a strawberry shirt to lounge in with a note, “This week baby is a strawberry! I am so berry excited!”

You see, I take my role very seriously because I am not having children of my own. Being invited to take part in such an important piece of a tiny human’s journey (their relationship with Papa Dios) has been the #1 privilege of my life.

In April we received a fatal diagnosis for my God Son that would result in almost instantaneous loss at his birth. In that moment I realized my role would be abridged. I had to shift my focus to getting him to heaven alongside my greatest friends of all and praying over all of this new, terrible and terrifying journey.

My God Son was born into heaven this August.

I cannot ever accurately put into words the grief associated with watching someone you love so much being coping with the loss of their own baby. The grief of months of preparation and planning and future building that seem to come to an abrupt end. The grief that ripples through the entire family.

The Rail Ride of Grief

It’s as if you’re on a train and you can’t get off of the train no matter how many stops it makes before yours. No matter how much speed it gains, time spend in holding on the side rails or how many stops it makes at places you would rather go instead, you’re stuck in the train car, watching through the windows, until your stop.

At some point it feels like you may never get off the train.

Until all of a sudden you do, you’re at the station. You have approximately 10 seconds to gather your bags and jump off all the while you find yourself pushed onto the platform instead. When you look back the train is gone. When you look down you’ve left most of your luggage.

At the station it seems like nothing you could have packed would have prepared you anyways, the weather is both too hot and too cold, it’s raining hard but the sun is out. You expected to find someone waiting for you, but they’re not here. You’ll have to walk the rest of the way home or call an Uber.

In my case, I decided I’d rather walk. We all know how unpredictable ride sharing can be.

Unused Furniture

If I’m honest with myself, every time I walk in my garage I cry just a little. At our house we prepared for our friends to not have to travel with much for us to spend time with them and Daniel. There is a little white high chair alongside all my stray boxes and decor. The chair gathers dust while it waits for him, while we all wait for him. He will never sit in it and that is something someone can never truly wrap their heart around.

Since August it is as if a part of my brain has been on hold. Waiting as well and gathering dust while we all wait for him. Hoping for the missing piece in our lives to click into place from somewhere. Perhaps holding to unload the new sadness that often feels like a case of broken celebratory champagne bottles in my heart. Maybe for answers or understanding, but I know some things pass all understanding.

A Healthy Respect for the Ocean

I have spent this past week on a cruise ship with my husband and our dear friends.

Each time I get on a boat I repeat to myself, “I have a healthy respect for the ocean.” As in, I’m not afraid of the ocean, but I’m aware of its depths, occasional roughness and its role as home to very large animals.

During this trip, while I look out at the vast, blue, deep ocean, I think of my own God Mother and how I throw up a hang loose sign just for her in all my photos while I enjoy life just as she instructed me to while she was on Earth with us. I think of Daniel, who I will not experience these things with on Earth.

I’ve also spent my fair share of time in the ocean while exploring. Just this week I kissed a stingray equal in size to myself and snorkeled a beautiful underwater national park.

The Beach of Grief

I rounded out my ocean time on one of my favorite private beaches. I find myself thinking that, over time, maybe grief can be like a beach.

The waves can be the overwhelming moments of grief with ebbs of everyday life, the sand at shore can be the happy moments or ways I cope or people who have loved me through these experiences, I will be just beyond the breaking wave on the soft sand and my sadness can remain the broken glass.

Some days, I know the grief will form in huge swells and my sadness will slam over the sand, my support system. The glass will spill over onto me where I sit on the land causing even more pain, but the tide will come back up again and take the glass back out into the waters.

Over time, the sharp, broken edges of my sadness will be worn away and whittled down into smoothness by the shores I’ve built. The memories of this sadness will hurt when they hurtle at full speed into the sand, but they will be more beautiful to remember and cherish, just like sea glass.

Today I am reminded that our darkest sadness and the brightest joys coexist every day in our temporary home on Earth. I am also reminded of the promise that one day we will all be together again without sadness or pain in our true home heaven. I take comfort in God’s promise to us. I give my sadness over to Jesus for him to turn into sea glass.

“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

XOXO,

NBNealie

Bad Service and Good Tips

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When I was in college my god mom passed away from cancer. Everyone made their way out to California to celebrate her life, to eat together as a family and to mourn.

Something about Aunt Vicki is that she was very intentional and loving with the plans for her death. She asked to schedule at a time that would be best for mine and my cousin’s (her other god child) studies. There would never have been a best time for one of the worst days in my life, but that doesn’t make the sentiment any less important or meaningful.

My entire life paused for one whole week along with my family. No school, no work and if I’m honest I can’t remember doing any of anything else either. But like my dad always says, you have to start splashing a little water on your face and keep going.

One morning after the funeral I finally splashed some water on my face to get back to work. I was a waitress and my first shift back I had to take a 30 top on the patio that no one wanted.

They were greeted late, their food came out wrong, they had two kids accidentally dump their food, I was stressed and my actual section was far away. They didn’t get awesome service, but I just made sure to smile and do what I could do in the moment for them one thing at a time.

It was multiple families and when they went to tab out I could tell they didn’t want to tip me. Their service was not good so I understood their frustration. One woman asked if I was okay because I seemed overwhelmed. I told her my god mom had just passed and it was my first shift back. She handed me a $100 tip and said she was glad I showed up for work that day. I started crying.

The other parents understood then and by the time all the families rounded up their tips I had pretty much equal to their bill to take home with me.

It would’ve made more sense for those people not to tip me at all. They didn’t even tip me over my service, they tipped out of kindness.

Because that woman took the time to be kind and ask me what happened instead of assuming I didn’t care about my work, she was able to step in and help in my life. I had been out of work for over a week and that act helped me catch up on my expenses.

That was just about 8 years ago now and I will always remember the kindness from these strangers.

What is something you have taken the extra step to do out of kindness recently?

XOXO,

NBNealie

Feelin’ 22 – the things I learned

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Hello all,

I have to admit that I thought in my adulthood I would be able to blog more. I am, after all, the master of my time now. I bow to no college schedule and I have a stable job, therefore I should probably have more time to write for fun… I was quite wrong in this assumption friends. In fact, I write so much in my professional life that I’ve begun using text speak, “R U on ur way 2 coffee?”

Nevertheless, I have completed my 22nd trip around the sun and here are 26 of the things I have learned in my life up until this point.

1.) Break up with friends too. It’s okay. Even if it seems 10X more dramatic and sad than a normal breakup.

2.) Your car is going to break down. Likely at the worst possible time. I’m really, really sorry. Just don’t panic.

3.) Wow, living alone is tough, but you can totally do it.

4.) Be patient and kind until someone is only taking advantage of that patience and kindness.

5.) Give out good and remove bad.

6.) You’ll have to make things okay by yourself sometimes. It’s okay if you’re your own hero. That doesn’t make you lonely, it makes you strong.

7.) Shut up and listen.

8.) Do the thing you’re afraid of.

9.) It’s a take-a-penny, leave-a-penny kind of life.

10.) You are going to be selfish sometimes, you just are. That’s okay as long as you don’t do wrong by another person.

11.) Apologize like an adult: “I’m sorry I (X), and I understand it made you feel (X). If you forgive me, in the future I’m going to do (X) to make sure this doesn’t happen again because I value and respect your feelings.”

12.) Realize how great you really are. Write a list, make a post, take a photo, tell a friend. Whatever you need to do in the moment to remind yourself of that.

13.) Love on an equal amount of people who are like you and who are different than you. You’ll find em. Keep em close – they’ll round out your character.

14.) Listening and being understanding are key. You don’t always get to problem solve the way you want to. Sometimes to be a good friend or partner you will have to settle things their way.

15.) Be love. Be patience. Be respect. Do not be a doormat.

16.) Face it head-on. That scares some people, but not you.

17.) Don’t date anyone who doesn’t like your dog. I did that once and honestly what a psycho.

18.) Sometimes you don’t get closure. That’s fine. You’re good enough knowing you removed yourself from something that hurt you. That’s your closure. Go you.

19.) There’s a huge difference in being afraid and being a coward. Learn that difference.

20.) Start a new season of life and just run. Don’t go back for what you left. Run.

21.) A lion need not announce himself as such. A lioness need not announce herself as such.

22.) It’s so okay to be mad. It’s so not okay to be consumed by anger. Feel things and actively work through them!

23.) Handle terrible things how you want. People deal with things differently. There isn’t a black and white right/wrong way.

24.) You’re gonna make some weird, questionable choices.

25.) You’re going to have to redeem yourself after some weird, questionable choices.

26.) Without fail – as long as you’re not harming others – you’re 10X more bad ass than you are giving yourself credit for.

XOXO,

NBNealie

On the Bright Side I Am Not Addicted to Cocaine.

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Hello Hello Hello my beautiful little NBN birdies.
I was fiddling around on le Tumblr (Which is also nothingbutnealie in case you were wondering darlings.) when I came across something a girl named Sydnee reblogged. (Her user is outersp-aces in case you were wondering again.) (You’ve really got to stop wondering it’s getting me all side tracked.) (Back on topic…) Anyway, her post was just text that said “On the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.” So this girl right here got to thinking I should share it all with you. I’m going to teach you the correct usage of the phrase “On the bright side I’m not addicted to cocaine.”

Now a few of you may have already heard this phrase before, or maybe it’s reference I don’t get, or hey,… Maybe I’m as lame as everyone thinks I am. Which is plausible.
*Stands awkwardly in front of crowd* *Sniffs* *Pushes up glasses* *Runs away*

JUST GO WITH IT ANYWAY.

This is how you use said phrase. 🙂

EXAMPLES YO:

I went bankrupt today… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
My dog ate every pair of underwear I own… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
I was banned from my favorite Italian restaurant today… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
Scooby Doo reruns were discontinued… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
The sound of music completely shattered my ear drums last Tuesday and my hospital bill is out of this world… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
Today my fish ran away from home because he couldn’t stand the amount of hairspray I use on a daily… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.
My only friend is my refrigerator… on the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine.

So when your car breaks down, it rains on your parade, and your social life drops off the plateau of Decent Friend Land, just think on the bright side you are not addicted to cocaine.

POLL TIME:

Disclaimer: This phrase does not actually apply if you are in fact addicted to cocaine.
24 Hour Drug Abuse Hotline: 1 (888) 724 2193

XOXO
Not addicted to the cocaine Nealie.

Guilty As Charged, First Edition.

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I can’t stand when people act like it’s the end of the world over dumb things. Someone had the nerve to complain to me about how they can’t go to homecoming because they’re scheduled to work.
Hey, at least you have a job. To get the money you need. To pay insurance for the stinking car that you have. That was given to you by both your parents.

You could be dead, starving in Africa, being shot in Iraq, in a hospital bed, homeless.

Honestly, I hold it together pretty well.

Yea I complain, but there’s a point where it’s stupid. I say oh that sucks blah blah blah. And I’m done.

No. Just shut up.

We all have a story. And if you have nothing better to complain about than you should be freaking ecstatic.

Plenty of kids my age just laid a loved one down to rest. Plenty of kids are starving. Have divorced parents. Have a deceased family member.

I’m so sorry about your job/ex-boyfriend/broken toe/ugly face/extra body fat.
Now, try being thankful for your breathing/family/friends/house/car/life/education/smiles/phone/computer/freedom.

XOXO